i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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