i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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