I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
