nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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