im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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