forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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