Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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