Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
