Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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