if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
