allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
