Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
