I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
