Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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