No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
