Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
