you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
