i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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