the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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