i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
