this beer tastes like vomit already
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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