So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
