just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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