so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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