I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
