We won't sleep together?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
