using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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