Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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