mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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