Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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