Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
