just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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