To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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