Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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