Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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