Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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