ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
