It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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