I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
