A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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