A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
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