I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
