So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
