You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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