Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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