I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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