I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
