I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
