did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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