Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
