just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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