I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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