I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
