i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
