I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize