I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she smelled like a LAN party
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
