mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
