A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
