singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
