Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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