My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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