If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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