I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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