it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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