If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
