everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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