is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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