he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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