I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
